End of a Musician

Before I went to college, playing music wasn't about playing for fun, but instead music was about being the best musician possible (and hopefully the fun would follow). I had started to take the violin very seriously and I was even considering it as a career option. To that point I even attended Interlochen Arts Camp in high school in addition to the standard high school orchestra festivals. Outside of my academics, playing the violin was probably the endeavor I took most seriously.

To that point I ended up electing to study to become an engineer and, after high school, music became a much lower priority. There was no longer time for me to be able to continue playing at the level that I had become accustomed to playing, and playing music primarily turned into an outlet for stress relief. While I was able to play in the orchestra for two years and play chamber music all four years, I didn't receive the same fulfillment as I previously had. I wasn't thrilled that I was playing at a decreased ability, and the stress relief outlet didn't quite compensate for the lack of enjoyment. My motivation was greatly reduced, along with my desire to play music. At that point music was no longer an immensely integral part of my life. This culminated with one last hurrah-playing Brahms' String Quartet No. 1 in C minor and walking off into the proverbial musical sunset.

It has now been a little over two years since I've picked up my violin, and I'm not sure when I will next bring it out of its case and play it again. Now there is no end goal of becoming a better musician, and I find it difficult to play music without direction.